


That's How It Was

by That_Marsh_Fellow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Drama, Eeth Koth leaving the Jedi Order (that's canon), Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene, Out of Character, POV Second Person, Post-Episode: s02e09 Grievous Intrigue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24958282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Marsh_Fellow/pseuds/That_Marsh_Fellow
Summary: "It is the Council's opinion. Eeth Koth should be expelled from the Jedi Order."Eeth was caught forming a forbidden attachment, and now the zabrak jedi master is under the High Council's trial, hoping that no one will discover the truth about who is his beloved.
Relationships: Eeth Koth/Mace Windu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	That's How It Was

**Author's Note:**

> The formal part of the Council meeting is taken partially from Ashoka's trial in the Clone Wars series.  
> Canon is slightly misrepresented when mentioning Braylon and Dibs. The main deviation from the canon is that Eeth is younger than Mace.  
> \------  
> This work is a translation(!). Original version - https://ficbook.net/readfic/9520603  
> \------  
> Song:  
> That's How It Was - Artik & Asti. (Так было - Artik & Asti)

“Been brought against you, serious charges have, Master Koth.”

The platform stops with a soft click, moving up to the end, and you are left alone with the eleven members of the High Council who have taken their places around the perimeter of the circular courtroom. With your once-dear colleagues, brothers and sisters, with whom you have lived side by side for decades. The last, twelfth spot behind you is empty, but you know that no one will take it today. Because this is _your_ place.

“I stand before your court, masters.”

You look around, glancing at the familiar faces, that now suddenly have become strange and distant. Right in front of you, grand master Yoda leans heavily on his knobby cane. His long, leathery ears are lowered, falling parallel to the floor — of course, he was one of those who stepped up to your defence when the question of whether to accept you in the Jedi Order had been risen. You wonder if he now regrets his decision… To his left stands master Koon. The breathing mask hides his emotions, but you've known Plo for long enough to understand just by the rhythm of his muffled breathing through the filter that the kel-dor is engrossed in his memories. He recalls common missions, wondering how this could have happened. To your right, you catch master Kenobi's polite yet unreadable gaze. “I'm sorry, Obi-Wan”, you think. “We don't know each other that well, but I am truly grateful to you and master Gallia for saving me from General Grievous's captivity." Adi herself is also here. You can feel her presence, and although the tolotian's face is hidden in the shadows, you can easily guess that she still can't believe in this all. Well, fair enough. If you were her, you wouldn't have believed it either.

But what makes you suddenly shiver and turn your gaze back to the floor is the way master Mundi looks at you. "I'm really, really sorry", you want to tell him so desperately. Ki-Adi has always been your closest friend in the Temple. He was the one who insisted on you being allowed to fly to Tatooine in search of Sharad Hett. It was him who later went there himself, when he realized that arguing with Yoda would lead to nothing. It was him who brought A`Sharad, the son of your former apprentice, to the Temple and made the boy his own padawan. Ki-Adi Mundi did so much for you. And you failed both him and A`Sharad. And nevertheless, even now, you realise that you probably will not be able to talk to him and explain things properly. You know that you'll leave him in ignorance. Just like everyone else. Sometimes the real truth can be worse than the one others want to believe in.

The silence starts to become uncomfortable, so you nod slightly, apologizing for the pause, and finish your prepared sentence:

“And I resign my fate to the decision of your Council."

Yoda frowns. You know what's coming next. Over the years as a member of the Jedi High Council you have learned all too well the process of such courts, and so you wait humbly for master Fisto to open the holo from a security camera which would reveal the suddenly caught evidence of what you have been hiding for a very, very long time. You have been hiding it longer than anyone else could have imagined — but for the court record, you named a different date. Just a little, a couple of months or so. You named it at random because you knew that it wouldn't affect your fate anyway. Such things simply can’t be forgiven, and you know it firsthand. After all, you were present when master Yula Braylon was expelled from the High Council. Back then you didn't understand why this woman had stand her trial with such an absent yet secretly begging look in her eyes while the charges were read out. Now you're standing in her place — and you think it's somewhat ironic.

"Play the recording," says Ki-Adi in a dry voice.

You don't even need to look at the holo, but you still raise your head, because it's a formality. You feel a wave of surprised shock, bordering with bewilderment, that spreads like a dense cloud in the Force. The masters of the High Council also know what is happening on the recording — they have seen it before, when they appointed this trial — but what is happening on it looks so unnatural that you can't blame them for such a reaction.

You were always good at hiding. You have already been on the verge of failure several times — but every time you luckily managed to get out of all the delicate situations. Like the time when you were almost caught in an empty compartment of the shuttle on the way back from the Yinchorr system. Or the time when you allowed yourself a little more than usual after completing the Concordance of Fealty ritual. And that is why you are now also at a loss — how could this even happened?

You remember how happy you were when you got the news that master Windu was returning to the Temple after his exceptionally long mission in the Outer Rim. You remember how you rushed there in a hurry, without even putting on a cloak, to greet him, to see him safe and sound right now, muttering about how much you’ve missed him, how lonely it felt to be without him. Usually you did this outside the walls of the Temple, in an apartment, no matter, your or his, where there were no cameras and prying eyes — gripped the other’s tunics in a tight embrace, standing in the middle of the room and simply listening to each other's so familiar, calming heartbeats. And then you stood on tiptoe — you always complained about your short height, but Mace would only hum softly through his teeth something in reassurance and tilt his head — and you kissed. Kissed so passionately and sensually as if you were trying to take away all the bitterness and weariness that were accumulating more and more with each new day of this kriffing war. But this time you couldn't wait until getting to the apartment. In one of the Temple corridors, recklessly hoping for the protection of the Force that has always loved you, you simply stopped and pressed the korun to the wall, wrapping your trembling, longing arms around his neck. And it was this moment that had been captured on a security camera about which you had so foolishly forgotten.

The holo-recording stopped, frozen in the final frame, on which your own small figure — you notice both your untidy hair, and your such naively happy, still unsuspecting eyes — trustfully clung to another, whose face was not visible because of the hood thrown over. You close your eyes and thank the Force for at least saving your beloved one from your own stupidity. You are ready to accept your punishment, you are the one to blame, and you do not deny it. But you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if Mace was condemned as well.

“Been accused of violating the principles of our Code, you have. How plead you, master Koth?”

Yoda's hoarse voice is pouring reproachfully in your ears. You try to stay calm, as calm as ten pairs of eyes that are turned on you with undisguised disapproval are allowing it. But among them there is another person, who looks at you _differently_. You don't even dare to look up at him because you're afraid. Afraid that your mental shields, which already thinned a lot over the past year and a half, will not be able to withstand the storm of emotions that you are now trying to suppress.

You have already talked about this the day before. You stood guiltily in front of Mace as he silently replayed this unfortunate recording on his datapad over and over again. "What are we going to do?" he finally asked quietly, in a calm, emotionless way. Oh, you knew that tone too well. The tone that meant that the korun was ready to make an irreparable mistake for your sake. So you knelt down in front of him and said firmly, "No."

You knew that no "we" will help this time. The war against the Confederacy was slowly but inevitably sapping the forces of the Order. And now all its members sought any outlet to let off all the injustices, grievances and losses that lay like a heavy burden on the shoulders of almost every Jedi who had ever been in the heat of battle at least once. The Force and all the meditations could no longer cope with all who wanted to relieve their exhausted minds. And that is why you, your unexpected fall, your crime against the prohibition of attachments — you should have become such a necessary distraction from their own problems.

The Council's verdict was clear from the start. That's what you told Mace, looking into his darkened eyes. "I'll take all the blame," you added. “I will have to leave, but I am responsible for my own mistake." You saw that korun wanted to oppose to such a decision, but you confidently stopped his hand, which was trying to stroke comfortingly the top of your head. "I'll leave alone, Mace," your eyes sparked with that well-known zabrak stubbornness that always helped you win your arguments. “They don't know that it was you on the holo. I won't say a word about it. The Order needs _you_. The Republic needs _you_. Without _you_ , all the Jedi sacrifices will be in vain. We _can't_ win without you." Having blurted out this furious tirade in one breath, you sniffed, feeling a treacherous weakness slowly raising up your chest, but found the strength to finish. " _My_ fate is not important. I'm just an ordinary Consular, who will be quickly replaced. Speaking the truth, I was discarded already after Saleucami. A weak, broken, useless General...", you sighed with a sad smile. “ _You_ must lead us to victory, Mace. And I'll be waiting for you. Waiting to embrace you once again, after all this is over."

"I... _am_ guilty, grand master.”

Yes, you can admit it. And both your hearts involuntary sank when you feel the air around you cool down by a few more degrees. "I'm sorry!”, you want to cry out loud, or do something else, anything to at least try to ease the tense silence. Usually the ones accused deny their sins, try to somehow protect themselves or just desperately rush forward with their fists up — lightsabers are taken away by the guards before entering the courtroom. Prosset Dibs, for example, threw a whole tantrum when the Council found him guilty. And the fact that you accept your offence so easily does not make you a hero — on the contrary, the silent words "you are the one to blame" seem to become visible, glowing in huge bright letters over the heads of your accusers.

“Do you want to say something in your defense?"

Master Mundi is still trying to help you, despite everything. He is literally pushing you to the lifeline, saying "Stop it, you horned fool! It's not too late to fix things up!" But you have already made your final choice, and even your best friend can't shake your decision. So you proudly push away his helping hand, fearlessly jumping into the deep end.

"No, master. I can only confirm that my feelings were true and sincere. I had indeed succumbed to a weakness unworthy of a true Jedi.”

“You will do the Council a favor if you tell us the name of your... lover."

Master Tiin practically spits out the last word, as if it stings him worse than poison, and you slam your shields tighter, mindful of the iktotchi's mind-reading abilities. You've always had a bit strained relationship with Saesee, but you never have allowed yourself to show your dislike to one another so openly before. Although now you are not surprised at anything — all these things are natural consequences of the hardships suffered during the war.

You made sure that nothing could give away your attachment to Mace. You sat down in deathly silence on the carpet on which you once lay so easily and carelessly in the korun’s arms after tiring meetings in the Council room. The bond between you two was strong from the beginning, and it only became stronger after the completion of the Concordance of Fealty. But you courageously bit your lip and held back the sobs that were about to burst from your chest as you felt dozens of thin invisible threads, that connected you with the korun in the Force, snapping painfully one by one. It hurt. It hurt more than the electrostaff back on Grievous's ship. But for Mace's sake, you would have willingly submit to even more than that.

“No.”

You cut off with such ferocity that you notice the grand master shaking his head in visible disenchantment. Emotions are overwhelming, but you don't really mind it anymore. Anger, humiliation, fear of loss — all this is woven into one tight cocoon in your mind, hiding your _other_ feelings.

You gather what is left of your strength and finally your eyes meet with the one person who is about to announce your punishment. Master Windu, as always, does not let a single muscle to betray his real thoughts, but you know how hard it is for him to say every single word. You have been preparing all night for these roles of the defendant and his judge, so that not the slightest warmish echo slips through the formal ice.

“It is the Council's opinion. Eeth Koth should be expelled from the Jedi Order. Your master status will be stripped from you. And you shall also forfeit all ranks and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic.”

That's it. That’s how it was. You get down on one knee obediently as the platform starts moving once again, lowering you down. This time — forever. From this moment on, a Jedi named master Koth will no longer exist. But another you will remain — Eeth Koth, an ordinary zabrak, who keeps in his heart the hope that this sacrifice was for a higher goal.


End file.
